The power of vulnerability | Brené Brown

So I'll start with this a couple of years ago, an event planner called me because I was going to do a speaking event and she called and she said, I'm really struggling with how to write about you on the little flyer and I thought, well, what's the struggle? And she said, well, I saw you speak and I'm going to call you a researcher, I think, but I'm afraid if I call your researcher, no one will come because they'll think you're boring and irrelevant. And I was like, okay. And she said, so, but the thing I liked about your talk is, you know, you're a storyteller. So I think what I'll do is just call you a storyteller. And of course, the academic insecure part of me was like, you're going to call me a what? And she said, I'm going to call you a storyteller. And I was like, why not magic pixie? I was like, I know, I let me think about this for a second. And so I tried to call deep on my courage and I thought, you know, I am a storyteller. I'm a qualitative researcher. I collect stories. That's what I do. And maybe stories are just data with a soul, you know, and maybe I'm just a storyteller. So I said, you know what, why don't you just say I'm a researcher storyteller? And she went, there's no such thing. So I'm a researcher storyteller. And I'm going to talk to you today. We're talking about expanding perception. And so I want to talk to you and tell some stories about a piece of my research that fundamentally expanded my perception and really actually changed the way that I live and love and work and parent. And this is where my story starts.

所以我要从这件事说起，几年前，一个活动策划人给我打电话，因为我要做一个演讲活动，她打电话给我说，她真的很困惑如何在小传单上写关于你的事情，我想，那么困惑是什么？她说，我看过你演讲，我想叫你一个研究者，但我担心如果我叫你研究者，没有人会来，因为他们会觉得你无聊和无关紧要。我当时想，好吧，她说，但我喜欢你的演讲的地方是，你是个讲故事的人。所以我想我会把你叫做一个讲故事的人。当然，那个内心不安的学术部分对我说，你要叫我什么？她说，我会叫你讲故事的人。我想，为什么不叫我神奇小精灵呢？我想让我想一想。所以我试图鼓起勇气，我想，你知道的，我其实就是一个讲故事的人。我是一个定性研究者。我收集故事。这就是我所做的。也许故事只是有灵魂的数据，你知道，也许我只是一个讲故事的人。所以我说，你知道，为什么不说我是一个研究者讲故事的人呢？她说，不存在这样的说法。所以我就是一个研究者讲故事的人。今天我要和你谈谈，我们要谈论扩展视野。我想和你谈一谈，并讲一些关于一个我研究的片段的故事，这个片段从根本上扩展了我的认知，并真正改变了我生活、爱情、工作和育儿的方式。这就是我的故事开始的地方。

When I was a young researcher, a doctoral student, my first year I had a research professor who said to us, here's the thing, if you cannot measure it, it does not exist. And I thought he was just sweet talking to me. I was like, really? And he's like, absolutely.

当我是一名年轻的研究员、博士生时，我第一年遇到一个研究教授对我们说，如果你不能衡量它，那就不存在。我当时觉得他在说好听的话。我问他，真的吗？他回答说，绝对是这样。

So you have to understand that I have a bachelor's in social work, a master's in social work, and I was getting my PhD in social work. So my entire academic career was surrounded by people who kind of believed in the life's messy, love it, you know, and I'm more the life's messy, clean it up, organize it, and put it into a bento box.

所以你必须明白，我有社会工作的学士学位，社会工作的硕士学位，而且我正在攻读社会工作的博士学位。所以我的整个学术生涯都是被一些人包围的，他们有点相信生活是混乱的，热爱它，你知道的，而我更倾向于认为生活是混乱的，清理干净，组织好，然后把它放进便当盒里。

And so to think that I had found my way, to found a career that takes me, you know, really one of the big sayings in social work is lean into the discomfort of the work. And I'm like, you know, not discomfort upside the head and move it over and get all A's.

所以想想我已经找到了自己的道路，找到了一份能让我走向前的工作，你知道的，在社会工作中有一句很有名的话就是要面对工作中的不适。我就像，你知道的，不是把不适推到一边然后拿到全部A的。

That was my mantra. So I was very excited about this. And so I thought, you know what? This is the career for me because I am interested in some messy topics, but I want to be able to make them not messy. I want to understand them. I want to hack into these things. I know are important and lay the code out for everyone to see.

这就是我的座右铭。因此，我对此非常兴奋。所以我想，你知道吗？这就是我的事业，因为我对一些混乱的话题感兴趣，但我想要让它们不再混乱。我想要了解它们。我想要深入了解这些重要的事情，并把代码展示给所有人看。

So where I started was with connection because by the time you're a social worker for 10 years, what you realize is that connection is why we're here. It's what gives purpose and meaning to our lives. This is what it's all about. It doesn't matter whether you talk to people who work in social justice and mental health and abuse and neglect.

因此，我从人际关系开始，因为当你做了10年社会工作者，你会意识到，人际关系就是我们存在的意义。它赋予我们的生活目标和意义。这就是这一切的核心。无论你是在与社会正义、心理健康、虐待和忽视等领域工作的人打交道，都是如此。

What we know is that connection, the ability to feel connected is neurobiologically. That's how we're wired. It's why we're here. So I thought, you know what? I'm going to start with connection. Well, you know that situation where you get an evaluation from your boss and she tells you 37 things that you do really awesome. And one thing that you can't do an opportunity for growth.

我们知道的是，连接，能够感受到连接的能力在神经生物学上是存在的。这就是我们的基本设定。这也是我们为什么存在于这个世界上的原因。所以我想，你知道吗？我要从建立连接开始。你知道那种情况吧，你从老板那里得到评价，她告诉你你做了37件很棒的事情。还有一件你做得不好的，是一个成长的机会。

And all you can think about is that opportunity for growth, right? Well, apparently this is the way my work went as well because when you ask people about love, they tell you about heartbreak. When you ask people about belonging, they'll tell you their most excruciating experiences of being excluded.

你现在能想到的只有成长的机会，对吧？显然我的工作也是这样的，因为当你问人们关于爱情时，他们会告诉你关于心碎的事情。当你问人们关于归属感时，他们会告诉你他们被排斥的最痛苦的经历。

And when you ask people about connection, the stories they told me were about disconnection. So very quickly, really about six weeks into this research, I ran into this unnamed thing that absolutely unraveled connection in a way that I didn't understand or had never seen. And so I pulled back out of the research and thought, I need to figure out what this is.

当你问别人关于连接的时候，他们告诉我的故事都是关于失去联系。所以在进行这项研究大约六周后，我迅速遇到了一个未知的东西，完全解开了我不理解或从未见过的连接方式。于是我退出了研究，想要弄清楚这到底是什么。

And it turned out to be shame. And shame is really easily understood as the fear of disconnection. Is there something about me that if other people know it or see it, that I won't be worthy of connection? The things I can tell you about it, it's universal.

结果证明这是羞耻。羞耻其实很容易理解为对失去联系的恐惧。有关我是否有什么事情，如果其他人知道或看到，我会不配得到联系？我可以告诉你有关这件事的一些普遍真相。

We all have it. The only people who don't experience shame have no capacity for human empathy or connection. No one wants to talk about it. And unless you talk about it, the more you have it.

我们所有人都有羞耻感。唯一不经历羞耻的人是那些缺乏人类同理心或联系的人。没有人愿意谈论它。除非你谈论它，否则你就会越来越感觉到它。

What underpinned this shame, this, I'm not good enough, which we all know that feeling, I'm not blank enough, I'm not thin enough, rich enough, beautiful enough, smart enough, promoted enough. The thing that underpinned this was excruciating vulnerability.

是什么支撑着这种羞愧，这种“我不够好”的感觉呢？我们都知道这种感觉，我不够……我不够聪明、瘦、富有、漂亮、晋升得够。支撑这种感觉的东西就是极度的脆弱。

This idea of an order for connection to happen, we have to allow ourselves to be seen, really seen. And you know how I feel about vulnerability. I hate vulnerability. And so I thought, this is my chance to beat it back with my measuring stick.

为了建立联系，我们必须允许自己被真正看到。你知道我是如何看待脆弱的。我讨厌脆弱。所以我想，这是我用我的标尺打败它的机会。

I'm going in, I'm going to figure this stuff out, I'm going to spend a year, I'm going to totally deconstruct shame, I'm going to understand how vulnerability works, and I'm going to outsmart it. So I was ready and I was really excited. As you know, it's not going to turn out well. You know this.

我要开始了，我要搞清楚这些事情，我要花一年时间，彻底解构羞耻，我要弄清楚脆弱是怎么回事，我要找到对策。所以我已经准备好了，我感到非常兴奋。但你知道，事情最终并没有进展顺利。你知道这一点。

So I could tell you a lot about shame, but I'd have to borrow everyone else's time. But here's what I can tell you that it boils down to. And this may be one of the most important things that I've ever learned in the decade of doing this research.

所以我可以告诉你很多关于羞耻的事情，但我必须借用别人的时间。但这是我能告诉你的精髓。这可能是我在十年研究中学到的最重要的事情之一。

My one year has turned into six years. Thousands of stories, hundreds of long interviews, focus groups. At one point, people were sending me journal pages and sending me their stories. Thousands of pieces of data. And six years. And I kind of got a handle on it. I kind of understood this is what shame is, this is how it works.

我的一年转变成了六年。成千上万个故事，数百次长时间的采访，焦点小组讨论。有一段时间，人们把日记页寄给我，讲述他们的故事。成千上万条数据。六年了。我有点掌握了一些。我有点明白了，这就是羞耻，这就是它的运作方式。

I wrote a book, I published a theory, but something was not okay. And what it was is that if I roughly took the people I interviewed and divided them into people who really have a sense of worthiness, that's what this comes down to, a sense of worthiness, they have a strong sense of love and belonging. And folks who struggle for it, and folks who are always wondering if they're good enough.

我写了一本书，发表了一种理论，但有些事情并不顺利。问题所在是，当我大致将受访者分为那些真正拥有自尊感的人和那些一直在为此奋斗、总是在想自己是否足够好的人时，就会发现这一切归根结底都是关于自尊感的。那些拥有强烈的爱与归属感的人以及那些为此努力挣扎的人，相比那些总是怀疑自己是否足够好的人。

There was only one variable that separated the people who have a strong sense of love and belonging, and the people who really struggle for it. And that was the people who have a strong sense of love and belonging, believe they're worthy of love and belonging. That's it. They believe they're worthy. And to me, the hard part of the one thing that keeps us out of connection is our fear that we're not worthy of connection was something that personally and professionally I felt like I needed to understand better. So what I did is I took all of the interviews where I saw worthiness, where I saw people living that way, and just looked at those. What do these people have in common? And I have a slight office supply addiction, but that's another talk. So I had a Manila notebook, a Nimala folder, and I had a Sharpie, and I was like, what am I going to call this research? And the first words that came to my mind were wholehearted. These are kind of wholehearted people living from this deep sense of worthiness. So I wrote at the top of the Manila folder, and I started looking at the data.

只有一个变量区分了那些拥有强烈爱和归属感的人和那些真的为此而努力的人。那就是那些拥有强烈爱和归属感的人，他们相信自己值得被爱和归属。就是这样。他们相信自己是值得的。对我来说，让我们无法建立连接的一个难点是，我们害怕自己不值得连结，这是我个人和职业上觉得需要更好理解的事情。于是我整理了所有我看到有价值感的访谈，看到那些如此生活的人，然后就研究了这些人有什么共同点。我略微入迷于办公用品，但那是另一个讲话的话题。所以我有一个马尼拉笔记本，一个尼马拉文件夹，还有一只马克笔，然后我就在想，我要把这些研究叫什么呢？我脑海中首先想到的词是全心全意。这些是一种全心全意的人，从内心深处感到自己是有价值的。所以我在马尼拉文件夹的上面写下了这个词，然后开始研究这些数据。

In fact, I did it first in this very full in a four day, very intensive data analysis where I went back, pulled these interviews, pulled the stories, pulled the incidents. What's the theme? What's the pattern? My husband left town with the kids, because I always go into this kind of Jackson Pollock crazy thing, where I'm just like writing and going in kind of just in my researcher mode.

事实上，在这个为期四天、非常密集的数据分析中，我首先对这些访谈、故事和事件进行了整理。我做的是什么？有什么模式？我丈夫带着孩子离开了，因为我总是会陷入这种像杰克逊·波洛克一样发狂的状态，就像写作一样，完全进入研究者模式。

And so here's what I found. What they had in common was a sense of courage, and I want to separate courage and bravery for you for a minute. Courage, the original definition of courage, when it first came into the English language, it's from the Latin word cur, meaning heart, and the original definition was to tell the story of who you are with your whole heart.

所以这是我发现的。他们共同拥有的是一种勇气，我想要为你区分一下勇气和勇敢。勇气，勇气的最初定义，当它第一次出现在英语中时，源自拉丁语cur这个词，意思是心脏，最初的定义是全心全意地讲述你是谁的故事。

And so these folks had very simply the courage to be imperfect. They had the compassion to be kind to themselves first and then to others, because as it turns out, we can't practice compassion with other people if we can't treat ourselves kindly.

因此，这些人简单地拥有勇气接受自己的不完美。他们有怜悯之心，首先对自己善良，然后再对他人，因为事实证明，如果不能善待自己，就无法与他人共情。

And the last was they had connection, and this was the hard part, as a result of authenticity. They were willing to let go of who they thought they should be in order to be who they were, which is you have to absolutely do that for connection.

最后，他们建立了连接，这是最困难的部分，因为这是真实性的体现。他们愿意放下他们认为自己应该成为的样子，而是要成为真实的自己，这就是你必须为了建立连接而做的事情。

The other thing that they had in common was this. They fully embraced vulnerability. They believed that what made them vulnerable made them beautiful. They didn't talk about vulnerability being comfortable, nor did they really talk about it being excruciating, as I had heard earlier in the shame interviewing. They just talked about it being necessary. They talked about the willingness to say, I love you first. The willingness to do something where there are no guarantees. The willingness to breathe through waiting for the doctor to call after your mammogram.

他们共同拥有的另一件事就是：他们完全接受了脆弱。他们相信让他们脆弱的东西也让他们美丽。他们不谈论脆弱是舒适的，也不真正谈论它是痛苦的，就像我之前在谈论羞耻时听到的那样。他们只是谈论脆弱是必需的。他们谈论愿意率先说“我爱你”。愿意做一些没有保证的事情。愿意在乳腺X光检查后等待医生来电时保持呼吸。

The willing to invest in a relationship that may or may not work out. They thought this was fundamental. I personally thought it was betrayal. I could not believe I had pledged allegiance to research, where our job, the definition of research is to control and predict, to study phenomenon for the explicit reason to control and predict. And now my mission to control and predict had turned up the answer that the way to live is with vulnerability, and to stop controlling and predicting. This led to a little breakdown, which actually looked more like this. It led to a, I called a breakdown, my therapist calls it a spiritual lightning. Spiritual lightning sounds better than breakdown, but I assure you it was a breakdown. I had to put my data away and go find a therapist. Let me tell you something. You know who you are when you call your friends and say, I think I need to see somebody who, do you have any recommendations? Because about five my friends are like, whoo, I wouldn't want to be your therapist. I was like, what does that mean? And they're like, I'm just saying, you know, like, don't bring your measuring stick. Okay.

愿意投入一段关系，无论结果是成功还是失败。他们认为这是基本的。我个人认为这是背叛。我无法相信我曾经发誓效忠研究，而我们的工作，研究的定义是控制和预测，研究现象的明确原因是为了控制和预测。而现在，我的使命是控制和预测，结果却是找到了生活的方法是以脆弱的方式生活，并停止控制和预测。这导致了一次小崩溃，实际上看起来更像是这样。它导致了一次我称之为崩溃的事情，我的心理医生称之为精神闪电。精神闪电听起来比崩溃好听，但我向你保证这确实是一次崩溃。我不得不放下自己的数据，去找心理医生。让我告诉你一件事。当你打电话给朋友说，我觉得我需要去看一个谁，你有什么推荐吗？因为我有大约五个朋友都这么说，哇，我可不想成为你的心理医生。我就像，这是什么意思？然后他们说，我只是说，你知道，别带上你的尺度。好吧。

So I found a therapist, my first meeting with her, Diana, I brought in my list of the way the whole hearted live. And I sat down and she said, you know, how are you? And I said, I'm great, you know, I'm okay. And she said, what's going on? And I said, and this is a therapist who sees therapists because we have to go to those because their BS meters are good. And so I said, here's the thing. I'm struggling. And she said, what's the struggle? And I said, well, I have a vulnerability issue. And you know, and I know that vulnerability is kind of the core of shame and fear and our struggle for worthiness. But it appears that it's also the birthplace of joy, of creativity, of belonging, of love. And I think I have a problem. And I just, I need some help. And I said, but here's the thing. No family stuff, no childhood shit. I just, I just need some strategies. Thank you. So she goes like this. And then I said, it's bad, right? And she said, it's neither good nor bad.

因此，我找到了一位心理治疗师，首次与她见面时，戴安娜，我带着整心生活方式清单。我坐下来，她问我：“你好吗？”我回答说：“我很好，我还好。”她问：“发生了什么事？”我说，这是一个看心理治疗师的心理治疗师，因为我们必须去看他们，因为他们的BS计量器很准。所以我说：“问题是这样的。我在挣扎。”她问：“挣扎在哪里？”我说：“嗯，我有一个脆弱性问题。我知道，脆弱是羞耻和恐惧以及我们为自身价值而奋斗的核心。但它似乎也是喜悦、创造力、归属感和爱的发源地。我想我有问题。我需要一些帮助。”我说：“但问题是，不涉及家庭问题，不涉及童年的破事。我只是需要一些策略。谢谢。”她这样说了。然后我说，“情况很糟糕，对吗？”她说：“既不好也不坏。”

It just is what it is. And I said, oh my God, this is going to suck. And it did and it didn't. And it took about a year. And you know how there are people that like, when they realize that vulnerability and tenderness are important, that they kind of surrender and walk into it? A, that's not me. And B, I don't even hang out with people like that. For me, it was a year long street fight. It was a slug fest. Vulnerability pushed. I pushed back. I lost the fight, but probably won my life back. And so then I went back into the research and spent the next couple of years really trying to understand what they, the wholehearted, what the choices they were making and what, what is, what, what are we doing with vulnerability? Why do we struggle with it so much? Am I alone in struggling with vulnerability? No. So this is what I learned. We numb vulnerability. When we're waiting for the call, it was funny. I sent something out on Twitter and on Facebook that says, how would you define vulnerability? What makes you feel vulnerable? And within an hour and a half, I had 150 responses. Because I wanted to know, you know, what's out there? Having to ask my husband for help because I'm sick and we're newly married. Initiating sex with my husband. Initiating sex with my wife. Being turned down. Asking someone out. Waiting for the doctor to call back. Getting laid off. Laying off people. This is the world we live in.

这就是事实。我说，哦，天啊，这个会很糟糕。然后事情进展了，有好有坏。大约花了一年的时间。你知道有些人意识到脆弱和温柔是重要的，就会投降并接受它们吗？A，我不是那种人。B，我也不和那种人交往。对我来说，这是一年的奋战。这是一场摔跤比赛。脆弱前行，我反击。虽然我输了这场战斗，但也许我赢回了我的生活。然后我回到研究中，花了接下来几年的时间真正努力地理解那些全心投入的人，他们做出的选择以及我们在处理脆弱时做了什么。为什么我们与脆弱挣扎如此之多？我在挣扎中是独自一人吗？不是的。以下是我学到的。我们会麻木脆弱。当我们在等待电话时，这很有趣。我在Twitter和Facebook上发布了一些关于脆弱的问题，问大家什么让你感到脆弱。一个半小时内收到了150个回应。因为我想知道，周围有什么？不得不向丈夫求助因为生病了而我们刚结婚。主动和丈夫发生性关系。主动和妻子发生性关系。被拒绝。约会别人。等待医生回电话。被解雇。解雇别人。这就是我们生活的世界。

We live in a vulnerable world. And one of the ways we deal with it is we numb vulnerability. And I think there's evidence and it's not the only reason this evidence exists, but I think that it's a huge cause. We are the most in debt, obese, addicted, and medicated. Adult cohort in US history. The problem is, and I learned this from the research, that you cannot selectively numb a motion. You can't say, here's the bad stuff. Here's vulnerability. Here's grief. Here's shame. Here's fear. Here's disappointment. I don't want to feel these. I'm going to have a couple of beers in a banana nut muffin. I don't want to feel these. And I know that's knowing laughter. I hack into your lives for a living. I know that's, oh god. You can't numb those hard feelings without numbing the other affects or emotions. You cannot selectively numb.

我们生活在一个脆弱的世界中。我们处理这种脆弱的方式之一就是麻木自己。我认为有证据表明这并不是唯一的原因，但我认为这是一个巨大的原因。我们是美国历史上最负债、肥胖、成瘾和依赖药物的成年群体。问题是，我从研究中学到了这一点，你无法选择性地麻木情感。你不能说，这里是糟糕的东西。这里是脆弱。这里是悲伤。这里是羞愧。这里是恐惧。这里是失望。我不想感受这些。我要来几杯啤酒和一个香蕉核桃松饼。我不想感受这些。我知道这会引起笑声。我是靠窥探你们的生活谋生的。我知道，哦天哪。你不能麻木这些艰难的感情而不麻木其他情感。你无法选择性地麻木。

So when we numb those, we numb joy. We numb gratitude. We numb happiness. And then we are miserable and we are looking for purpose and meaning. And then we feel vulnerable. So then we have a couple of beers in a banana nut muffin. And it becomes this dangerous cycle. One of the things that I think that we need to think about is why and how we numb. And it doesn't just have to be addiction.

当我们麻木这些感觉时，我们也麻木了快乐、感恩和幸福。然后我们变得痛苦，寻找目标和意义。然后我们感到脆弱。于是我们就喝几杯啤酒，吃一个香蕉坚果松饼。然后这样就形成了一个危险的循环。我认为我们需要思考的一点是为什么和如何我们会麻木。这并不仅仅是指沉迷成瘾。

The other thing we do is we make everything that's uncertain, certain. Religion has gone from a belief in faith and mystery to certainty. I'm right. You're wrong. Shut up. That's it. Just certain. The more afraid we are, the more vulnerable we are, the more afraid we are. This is what politics looks like today. There's no discourse anymore. There's no conversation. There's just blame. You know what blame is described in the research? A way to discharge pain and discomfort.

我们另外做的一件事是把所有的不确定变得确定起来。宗教已经从信仰和神秘变成了确定性。我是对的。你是错的。闭嘴。就是这样。只是确定。我们越害怕，越脆弱，我们就越害怕。这就是今天政治的样子。再也没有讨论了。再也没有对话了。只剩下责怪。你知道研究中怎么描述责怪吗？一种释放痛苦和不舒服的方式。

We perfect, if there's anyone who wants their life to look like this, it would be me. But it doesn't work because what we do is we take fat from our butts and put it in our cheeks. Which just, I hope in 100 years, people will look back and go, wow. You know what? Up. And we perfect most dangerously our children. Let me tell you what we think about children. They're hardwired for struggle when they get here. When you hold those perfect little babies in your hand, our job is not to say, look at her. She's perfect. My job is just to keep her perfect.

我们追求完美，如果有人想让自己的生活看起来像这样，那应该是我。但事实并非如此，因为我们所做的是从我们的屁股中取脂肪然后注入到我们的脸颊。我希望在100年后，人们回顾这一切时会感慨万分。你懂吗？我们最危险地追求完美的对象是我们的孩子。让我告诉你我们对孩子的看法。他们天生就面对挑战。当你抱着那些完美小宝宝时，我们的工作并不是说，瞧，她是完美的。我的工作只是让她保持完美。

Make sure she makes a tennis team by fifth grade and yell by seventh grade. That's on our job. Our job is to look and say, you know what? You're imperfect and you're wired for struggle, but you are worthy of love and belonging. That's our job. Show me a generation of kids raised like that and we'll end the problems I think that we see today. We pretend that what we do doesn't have an effect on people. We do that in our personal lives. We do that corporate, whether it's a bailout, an oil spill, a recall.

确保她在五年级之前加入网球队，并在七年级时喊叫。这是我们的责任。我们的工作是看看并说，你知道吗？你不完美，你注定要面对挣扎，但你值得得到爱和归属。这就是我们的工作。给我看一个像这样被养育的孩子一代，我们将结束今天的问题。我们假装我们所做的不会对人产生影响。我们在私人生活中如此做。不管是救助，还是漏油，召回。

We pretend like what we're doing doesn't have a huge impact on other people. I would say to companies, this is not our first rodeo people. We just need you to be authentic and real and say, we're sorry. We'll fix it. But there's another way and I'll leave you with this. This is what I have found to let ourselves be seen, deeply seen, and vulnerably seen. To love with our whole hearts, even though there's no guarantee, and that's really hard and I can tell you as a parent, that's excruciatingly difficult.

我们假装我们所做的事情对别人没有什么巨大影响。我想对公司说，这不是我们第一次经历这种情况。我们只需要你们真诚地承认错误，说声抱歉，我们会改正。但还有另一种方式，我会告诉你们。我发现让自己被看到，被深深地看到，被脆弱地看到是怎么样的。全心全意地去爱，即使没有任何保证，这真的很难，作为一个家长我可以告诉你，这是极其艰难的。

To practice gratitude and joy and those moments of kind of terror when we're wondering, can I love you this much? Can I believe in this as passionately? Can I be this fierce about this just to be able to stop and instead of catastrophizing what might happen to say, I'm just so grateful because to feel this vulnerable means I'm alive? And the last, which I think is probably the most important, is to believe that we're enough. Because when we work from a place, I believe, that says, I'm enough, then we stop screaming and start listening.

要练习感恩和快乐，以及那些让我们感到恐惧的时刻，我们会想到，我可以这么爱你吗？我可以如此热情地相信这件事吗？我可以对此如此坚定吗，为了能够停下来，而不再去预测可能会发生的事情，而是说，我感到如此感恩，因为感觉如此脆弱意味着我还活着？最后，我认为可能最重要的是，要相信我们是足够的。因为当我们从一个这样的信念出发，那就是，我足够好，那么我们就会停止尖叫，开始倾听。

We're kinder and gentler to ourselves. That's all I have. Hola. Sharing. That's video on the human network. Cisco, welcome to the human network.

我们对自己更加善良和温和。这就是我要说的。嗨，分享。这就是人类网络上的视频。思科，欢迎来到人类网络。